“Things don't happen TO you, they happen FOR you.”
That statement was my aha moment and has become my personal mantra since the words poured out of Claudia Chan’s mouth.
As a woman who had been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, let me paint a picture of my recent past
- 2.5 years of trying to conceive
- 2 unsuccessful IVFs
- 2 major pity party episodes
- 4 fertility specialists unable to crack the code
- A third and successful IVF! I am pregnant!
I took a leap of faith and started this blog before I got pregnant. I came around to the idea that the stats didn't define who I am and were just part of this path. In fact, according to the CDC, it turned out that I was just one of 7.5 million women trying to crack the infertility code.
At times I have felt defeated, helpless, frustrated, shamed, guilty, and the list goes on and on... The negative emotions were just too exhausting to continue to hold onto. I’m not going to lie, it was frustrating as hell at times. Looking back, I know that this part was a test which allowed me to hold on by letting go.
Those that know me are aware that I suffer from an eternal optimism and type A tendencies. As a result, the journey has an incredible lesson that there was no amount of hope and planning that could actually create my desired outcome. I learned that although I (still) can't control the future, I could do my part to optimize a successful outcome AND most importantly be happy and at peace with myself. As I look back over the last year and a half, I get goose bumps thinking about how my journey has evolved; mostly because it finally dawned on me that I wanted and needed to become a participant rather than a spectator.
I could (re)write the cliché story… Girl (seemingly) frolics through life and (sort of) forgets to have a baby… Until it’s (almost) too late.
The truth is, I don't regret any of it. The highs, the lows, and the moments in between. Without those moments, I know that I would be less equipped to give selflessly and fully to a mini human being. At 38 I found myself still trying...
I did a little experiment on a subject I mostly know pretty well; myself. I spent hundreds of hours of research on nutrition, supplements, wellness, products to try to optimize the future possibility of having a baby. I even got my credentials to consult on nutrition from the American Association of Drugless Practitioners because I am so taken by the power that health and wellness have had on my own body. I also found that this crazy fertility process produced a silver lining of sorts and an acute awareness of balance, something that I previously had regarded as some sort of mythical unicorn.
This blog became my coming out of the closet of sorts and while I created it to be therapeutic, I hope that it will also build awareness for the very real challenge of fertility. There are at least 7,499,999 other women that can relate to the myriad of emotions on this path. My goal is that this blog will foster a community, and I hope to learn as much from your experiences as I intend to share with you.
You can expect stories of strength and hope, along with words of wisdom from nutrition, wellness and fertility experts. For good measure, you can also count on some great recipes and tips along the way.