Fertility Blog

Trying? Why ovulation isn't everything

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Spoiler alert, I have been focused on ovulation for as long as I can remember and as a result have likely been missing my fertile window. I don’t know about you but despite fertility treatments, I always had a small glimmer of hope that in between them perhaps I could be a part of that tiny group of women who were surprised with a miraculous pregnancy. As a result, I have purchased more ovulation prediction kits than I could ever count over the years, either in hope or because of treatments.

I recently had the opportunity to try the Pearl Fertility ovulation prediction kit and it was unlike any other kit that I had ever tried. You might be thinking, but why, what makes it so special?

It’s unique because it provides laboratory-style testing at home and taught me that the time of ovulation and peak fertility aren’t necessarily one in of the same. Having access to my own personalized data through a scientific app and the ability to throw out the generalities of a typical 28-30 day cycle that I thought of as gospel, blew my mind.

My Pearl ovulation prediction kit arrived in a beautiful box with a barcode to set up my app on my phone, (15) LH sticks and (15) FSH kits, a urine catch cup, along with a cute little coaster to set it down on (love this attention to detail especially because I veer on the neat freak side of things). It also comes with two pregnancy tests, which I saw as an optimistic and sweet gesture for the “infertile” bunch of us that are going through treatments and may want to cheat during the 2WW. All I needed to provide was my mobile phone to take photos of the provided sticks through the Pearl app. The app analyzed my cycle through the images, provided a detailed description of my fertile window. What’s more is that it cheerily reminded me each morning that it was time to test.

The testing strips provided detect different hormone levels called lateral flow immunoassays (LFAIs) in urine. LFAIs bind the hormone to biomolecules which makes them easy to measure because they change color when they come in contact with urine. Most of these tests are usually interpreted in highly specialized labs but as you can imagine, these are quite expensive. This is where Pearl’s software steps in and is disrupting the space by providing more accurate results beyond the traditional ovulation kit. Pearl’s proprietary algorithm utilizes data from the test strips to detect hormone patterns to predict the cycle. (Note that after approximately two cycles, the software can predict a cycle well in advance so that you can “plan” accordingly). 

The software detects a patern of FSH (follicle-stimulationg hormone), LH (lutenizing hormone) and PdG (progesterone), which accurately predicts the fertile window when you are actually more likely to conceive. 

And guess what? I found out that the peak fertility window is actually approximately 3 - 4 days PRIOR to ovulation…

After ovulation, an egg is only “fertile” for 12 – 24 more hours. Sperm can survive in the body for 2 – 6 days post intercourse so maximizing a peak fertile window is important. This is especially important for those of us that are trying to conceive after 35. Every opportunity counts. Am I right?

I was so intrigued by this new FemTech which is redefining what we should expect from an ovulation prediction kit that I asked to connect with Dr. Leo Martinez, Founder of Pearl Fertility. I was interested in learning more about his new FemTech business and what inspired him to create it. Read on to find out more about Pearl Fertility.

What inspired you to start Pearl Fertility?

Women are busier than ever, take more (executive and) management positions, and spend far more time outside home than what used to be decades ago. This has created a more equitable society, but has become a challenge for fertility.

Natural fertility starts decreasing with age because of ovarian reserve. Thus, for women above 35 years of age it can take on average up to 10 months to conceive. That does not mean they are infertile, it just means that the chances are lessened. We found a gap when we found many sources of misinformation during our research that weren’t serving women who are desperate in finding actual solutions.

As a result, we leveraged our scientific backgrounds to build a product that can not only help women understand their fertility better (whether they are trying to conceive, or just tracking their hormones for treatments). This was (made) possible because of our core award-winning* technology, Google launchpad, and the European Commission which has allowed us to read all kinds of colorimetric diagnostic tests (specifically three individual hormones) by way of the camera on a mobile phone.

*The Pearl Fertility ovulation prediction kit was awarded as a Top Innovation by MIT Tech Review.

How is Pearl different than other ovulation prediction kits?

Pearl helps you chart your hormone levels: No more happy faces or ranges or thresholds. Instead, you get real hormone levels tracked over time. We have developed intelligent algorithms that run over the daily hormone data to give better predictions of the upcoming ovulation and based on that of a true clinically proven fertile window (the days with the highest chance to conceive). Now there is no more guesswork. Our test strips also measure hormones independently so you know exactly what hormone you are measuring. Other apps have appeared on the market that take pictures of the strips, but they lack the scientific intelligence levels to make (accurate) predictions. Additionally, our prediction algorithms which measure more than one hormone (and how they work together) are patented. The app can read FSH, LH and Progesterone. 

Is there a misconception about ovulation prediction kits that you would like to debunk?

Totally. Women are led to believe two things that are wrong about traditional ovulation prediction kits. The first misconception is that a positive test means the day of highest fertility. This is incorrect because the fertile window starts 6 days before ovulation and the top fertile time frame is 2 - 4 days before ovulation.

Although a (traditional ovulation) strip when positive can indicate fertility, it does not mean those are your most fertile days.

The second misconception is that a positive test means ovulation. This is incorrect because a positive test (in the case of LH) means that hormone levels are high or at their peak.

Many studies confirm that ovulation in fact happens approximately 24 hours after hormones peak. Another important factor to consider here is that not all peaks lead to ovulation as there are anovulatory cycles. 

To highlight the science behind this, please see the two figures built from a collection of clinical studies which represents the fertile window (FW) and the hormone peaks.

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Pearl Fertility is innovating to allow women to better understand their cycles. What are you most excited about when you think about the future of fertility?

I think Pearl Fertility is showing the world what is possible in terms of home diagnostics in the era of digitalization. Pearl Fertility is one of the first apps to be a medical device by itself listed in the FDA, and soon will be CE certified.

We have big plans for other tests. With regulations and investment which are tough for medical devices, it requires some time and a lot of money to develop. Pearl is a pioneer in the future of medicine. Right now we only show hormones, (all tested and interpreted) at home. Imagine if you could interpret patterns to prevent disease, treat disease, or predict disease.

I think that the future is that the clinic will come to you.

About Pearl Fertility’s Founder, Dr. Leo Martinez: Dr. Martinez is a Biotech Engineer and Entrepreneur. He holds a PhD in biosensors by the University of Cambridge, has published dozens of academic papers in the fields of biosensors, photonics, mobile apps and fertility. He was listed as one of the Top Innovators under 35 in 2015 by the MIT Technology Review for the developing of the ‘smartphone-diagnostics’ technology behind Pearl. For more information about Pearl Fertility please visit pearl-fertility.com or follow them @pearlfertility

*Please note that I was not paid to review the Pearl Fertility ovulation prediction kit. I am an affiliate however which means that if you purchase a kit at 10% off with my discount code: FERTILUST10, a small percentage of the sale will go to me.

Environmental Toxins 101 with Lara Adler

Photo Credit: Lara Adler

Photo Credit: Lara Adler

What we don’t know (and can’t see)can hurt us.

When I started thinking about environmental toxins and how they impact long-term health and fertility, all roads led to Environmental Toxins Expert, Lara Adler. After two minutes during our interview and discussing her deep love for matcha tea, two things were clear. One was I would immediately give matcha another chance, and two was that Lara is leading a movement by spotlighting how unseen chemicals are making us sicker and infertile. Lara’s credentials speak for themselves and she has been trailblazing in the area of Environmental Toxins before it much of a focus. She is a natural born truth-seeker who is constantly learning, understanding and most importantly, distilling the facts amongst other educators to create awareness and action around the topic of environmental toxins.

If I have done my part, this discussion will leave you more informed on how to live a happier, healthier life beginning today. I couldn’t get enough of the research Lara shared. So much of it blew my mind and inspired meaningful action, which is why I’m excited to share it with you. The topic of silent and colorless, harmful carcinogens might easily create paranoia because there isn’t a whole lot of information out there on what to actually do about it. Knowledge is power and Lara arms us with the knowledge to action change, and do so in achievable steps.

And a quick spoiler alert… I am now a bulletproof matcha convert. Once you read this, you may very well be too.

Your love for matcha runs deep. Why? 

LA: It's really complementary to what I teach. I consider it an everyday detox tea. Matcha has a tremendous amount of antioxidants. In fact, it has the highest amount of all foods - more than blueberries, spinach, raspberries and other foods that we consider to be of high antioxidant value.

Matcha also contains a compound called EGCG (epigallocatechin gallate) which is a powerful antioxidant that supports the body’s ability to combat some of the effects of exposures to toxins that we're getting. EGCG helps our bodies process them and is rich in chlorophyll which helps bind to heavy metals like lead and mercury to help excrete them out of the body. Matcha is also extremely high in l-theanine which is an amino acid that slowly releases caffeine and has a very calming effect. It provides an energy bump similar to caffeine does, but without any of the jitters and crash. In fact, matcha tea has been used for centuries by Zen Buddhist monks for extended, day-long meditations to provide a calm focus. I drink it latte bulletproof style with high fat coconut milk and collagen peptides which helps slows the absorption and caffeine delivery even more. 

I love it so much named my cat, Matcha. 

How do you spend most of your time?

LA: On my laptop! I spend a lot of time working and researching to stay current with what's happening in the constantly evolving environmental medicine space. It’s a full-time job to stay updated on all the articles and papers that are published every week! My goal is to translate and share that information to my students.

I try to spend some of my weekend hours working on non work-related projects. I have a love for wood projects and refinishing furniture. I like to refinish vintage pieces and recently reworked a pair of early 80’s vintage speakers from a sought-after brand that my dad gave me! I like having different ways to occupy my mind and need things to work on that take me out of the online space that I am in so much of the day. You’re never done even when you complete a course or complete a program; it's never technically done. There’s always more to know. More to do. It feels important for me to have something that I work on that I can say “It’s done and I did that. I fixed that. I made that and now I can just enjoy it.” It’s a very intentional project. 

I listen to music and a lot of podcasts like Joe Rogan, NPR’s How I Built This and True Crime (but only once in a while because it can be really heavy). My podcasts are usually for long drives, walking, and cleaning the house. I really like the long-form (like 3 -4 hour long) podcasts because to me that's how you really get into the conversation. I also read non work-related books. They're like mental floss and not something that I have to think about.

Was there a moment or experience when you knew that you wanted to pursue a career in Environmental Toxins? 

LA: There were a series of moments that stacked up to bring me to the space. I was always interested in health and nutrition. As a teenager I became a vegetarian the summer between middle school and high school and then two years later, I became vegan. I'm neither of those things anymore, but at that time I was obsessed with reading all about nutrition and wellness. I also wanted to appease my father with facts so he knew I had the knowledge not to become malnourished on either diet. I actually never really considered pursuing a career in the nutrition space until many years later when I was well out of college and eight years into another career.

The Health Coaching program I did never really discussed toxins outside of pesticides being “bad”, and there was very little discussion about environmental toxins in all of the health and nutrition books that I’d read. The turning point was when I was health coaching clients that were interested in weight loss. Some had great results following my direction and guidance, but a couple of people did all the things, and they didn't lose any weight. I felt like it was my responsibility to figure out why so I started digging into what I might be missing around resistant weight loss. That’s really where I knocked on the door of environmental health. I learned that there were many chemicals that were linked to resistant weight loss and even weight gain. I was shocked that this had never been discussed in any of the education I’d had to that point… it was a giant elephant in the room.

At the same time that that was happening, my sister-in-law was pregnant with my now 10 ½ year old niece. I started looking into the products like baby mattresses and baby products that my sister-in-law was planning to buy and was horrified by the amount of chemicals that were known to have health effects, yet were being used in these baby products. These two things made me realize how important this topic was and how infrequently they were talked about. I was shocked.

At that point I didn’t know what I wanted my business to be, but I knew I needed to talk about toxins. I wanted to read all THE things, talk about THIS all day. I knew I was going to make THIS my job somehow. So I reverse-engineered my job by asking “who in the world would benefit from my being able to talk about this” (environmental toxins) stuff at the level that I want to talk about it. 

I realized I was surrounded by friends and colleagues who had also gone through the same health coaching program that I had graduated from, and they were all hungry for information about toxins… they said they felt like they should probably know about this stuff!

My solution was to see if I could translate everything that I was reading. It took me about two years to read all the things and teach myself because I don’t have a science background. I needed to understand what I was reading and make sure that I was interpreting and understanding it correctly. Then I stepped into the space of teaching courses on this topic to my peer community of health coaches.  Over the years it’s expanded to all types of health professionals from medical doctors to occupational therapists, to doulas and midwives, etc. The courses are for anybody and everybody who's working with clients or patients, or customers around health. 

If you were a superhero, who would you be and why?

LA: Probably Captain Marvel just because she's such a badass and I appreciate badass women. 

What has been the most rewarding moment in your career?

LA: I think it's a series of little moments not just one that makes it worth it. When I hear from my students that they're having successes and they're having opportunities presented, and doors opening for them because they have this fluency in environmental health that they didn't have before, THAT feels amazing.

Sometimes I hear from clients who are celebrating successes based on the programs that I lead. And I hear from people that are not practitioners but that listened to a podcast that I was on, or saw something on my Instagram feed. They tell me that they made this one change because of something that I said and that the chronic illness or health issues that they'd been dealing with completely turned around. I get DM's all the time from people who say that they have been lurking on my Instagram. They thank me because they did all these things I recommended - they write that they’ve gotten rid of the plastic, cleaned out their personal care products, swapped out their cookware. And I didn't even do anything other than post and share! It’s really exciting to see when information that I have shared has had an impact. 

It’s been very rewarding to see the conversation evolve publicly in the broader (general market) space. I feel like I've participated in some of that and seeing this huge movement of awareness around environmental chemicals that didn't exist when I started this conversation has been incredible.

It’s always been my goal to help as many people as possible get hip to these issues to make and demand changes. I chose to work with the health professional community because together they have contact with a lot more individuals than I could on my own. It’s a one- to-many model, that allows me to better leverage the message.

What are some of the most shocking finds that you’ve made working in this space?

LA: The average pediatrician, obstetrician, primary care doctor is 15 years behind the current research, unless they are taking the time to do the research. The current medical model doesn't really allow them the time to do it. Medical school curriculum, on average, offers only 7 hours of training in environmental health, and some schools don’t cover it at all. To put it in perspective, the average MD gets only 19 to 21 hours on nutrition, which we realize is paltry (and environmental toxins education is about 1/3 of that). The World Health Organization and the CDC and NIH recognize that environmental toxins are a huge burden to our health, yet health professionals aren’t being educated on the issues. 

There is almost no curriculum on Environmental Health in the medical school programs and a 15 to 20-year gap between what the research is publishing and what actually makes it into standard of care practice.

The medical school programs that do cover environmental health are typically looking at occupational exposures. They're looking at really high dose scenarios like cigarette smoking, or workplace exposures, but what about the low levels of endocrine disrupting chemicals that we are constantly being exposed to? That is just not addressed in these programs.  One solution is more education but how many more hours of education can you jam into medical school?

The whole paradigm needs to shift, and my concern is that if we have to wait another 15 years, we're always going to be 15 years behind at a minimum-in-standard of care practice. We need more Allied Health practitioners like health coaches, nutritionists, registered nurses and dieticians to support primary care practitioners around helping individuals make the necessary lifestyle changes. Those are the people that we need to educate so that we’re not continuing the trend of being so many years behind.

I talk about environmental toxins as if it were a foreign language because it's awkward and there are new words, and they're hard to pronounce. So just like with a foreign language, practitioners need to develop fluency. The reality is that as more and more people are being confronted with health issues, people are starting to explore outside of the conventional approach by reading news. Consumers are seeing headlines about lead, or perfluorinated chemicals in the drinking water and links to cancer, plastics in baby bottles, and they are freaked out because these articles can be scary. Most of those articles don't provide practical, actionable solutions so people walk around with a mid-to-low level of anxiety about everything. It causes them to question every purchase that they make and if they are even buying the right thing. And they can't talk to their doctor or pediatrician about it because they (their doctors) don't have the training, so people have this anxiety that builds up.

What toxins are the most detrimental to overall health?

LA: That's a good question and it takes a little bit of gymnastics to answer it because the worst toxins aren't necessarily the ones that we are exposed to every day. So there's the ones that are going to punch you in the gut really hard and are really bad like dioxins and PCBs, flame retardants, arsenic, lead and really any kind of heavy metal. And yes, we are being exposed to those and those are really problematic. And then there are those that won’t necessarily punch you in the gut but will be “death by a thousand cuts”. Those (death by a thousand cuts) are chemicals like endocrine disrupters which we are being exposed to day in and day out.

So how do we prioritize? It becomes a how do we stop the thing that's punching us in the gut periodically, or do we slow the death by a thousand cuts? There are well over a thousand endocrine disrupting chemicals that have been identified. In the home environment those are plasticizers like phthalates, BPA, plastics, and VOCs that are off-gassing from our furniture. Chemicals can be found in items like scented candles, air fresheners, and flame retardants in our electronics and upholstered furniture. We are also looking at contaminants in our drinking water, whether it's heavy metals like lead or Perfluoroalkyl (PFASs) chemicals that are now contaminating our drinking water. PFASs chemicals can be found in nonstick cookware and house dust. Those are just some of the chemicals that we are being exposed to every day.

Because each one of those categories is complicated and nuanced, the goal is to start reducing our exposure to as many of those endocrine disruptors as possible in the home. We spend 93% of our lives in the built environment that is divided between our homes, offices and in our cars.

Of the three, we spend close to 60% of our lives in our homes, so let's start with reducing toxins in that place because that's where we are the most.

I really encourage people to start systematically reducing exposures to these toxins one at a time. That helps dial down what the body has to process. The goal is to reduce exposures while simultaneously increasing the body's capacity to detoxify the compounds that we can’t avoid. That actually goes full circle back to the matcha tea because it is one of the things that helps us open up our detox channels. Regularly supporting liver function by eating nutrient dense foods with antioxidants for example, along with foods like cruciferous veggies and Brazil nuts high in selenium, help support the natural detox process.

How can toxins adversely impact fertility? What toxins should we avoid?

The first thing is to focus on is avoiding endocrine disruptors with the emphasis on anything that's going to mess with your thyroid hormones. That includes any chlorinated chemicals found in our drinking water, Polybrominated diphenyl ethers (flame retardants), and fluoride in our oral care or in our drinking water which is really common in this country.  All of these things can block the uptake of iodine into our thyroid which can in and off itself can cause or contribute to a tremendous number of hormone and fertility related issues.

For people that are dealing with fertility issues, the most important things to do are: 

Filter your water. I recognize it’s not the easiest step because it takes some homework and it can be expensive, but water is something that you're ingesting every single day. 

Emphasize organic foods as much as possible. A number of studies have looked at what happens when people switch from a conventional diet to a mostly organic diet, (not even 100% because that's pretty hard) and they found that circulating pesticide levels dropped by 80 to 90% in just three to five days. When we start avoiding these exposures, they can work their way through the body pretty quickly. That's not to say that they're not doing damage while they're working their way through because they may be, so we want to avoid them as much as possible. Organic food is the way to go for anybody who's trying to conceive or having trouble conceiving naturally.

Ditch all home and synthetic fragrances. Lose the scented candles, air fresheners, swap your laundry detergent and don’t use dryer sheets. All of those products contain chemicals that mess with our hormones and fertility is a hormone driven process. Replacing home goods with safer fragrance-free, phthalate-free, paraben-free products is a great place to start. I would also add to get rid of the plastic that comes in contact with the food in your kitchen. Swap out the plastic (Tupperware) containers for glass containers. Use old-school stainless steel, enameled cast iron rather than non-stick pans, and wood cutting boards. It's really the way to go to reduce exposures to endocrine-disrupting chemicals.

The last big category is addressing the personal care products that we're putting on our skin every day. From shampoo, body lotion, deodorant, to make-up and shaving cream. All of these things are made with these endocrine disrupting chemicals and our body does absorb a fair amount of them. These are much easier to change than swapping out our couches. (Most couches have flame retardants, yet they are a large investment to replace).

Start with the things that are easily actionable like purchasing organic food, evaluating personal care and household cleaner products, and ditching plastics in the kitchen.

For some that might be enough to overcome the fertility obstacle by getting rid of these things that are causing disruption in their hormones. This applies to men too. It's not just women who have to shoulder this responsibility. In fact, perfluorinated chemicals in our drinking water and food packaging, mess with sperm count and motility.

So I have to ask the question, is the packaged quinoa that I purchase in plastic at the store bad?

LA: Not bad, but not exactly great either. In 2005, the FDA approved the use of perchlorate chemical used in jet fuel as an anti-static agent inside food packaging. Foods like quinoa can get staticky inside the bag so perchlorate is often used to prevent this static build up. After the FDA approved its use, levels of perchlorate in humans has increased, so that’s a potential issue. 

Plastic itself is another issue. Not all plastic is the same, and not all plastic contains BPA (the plastic chemical people are most familiar with). Most plastics aren’t great, the chemicals in them can migrate out into the foods they are in contact with. Things that can increase leaching include heat, oil, acidity, and abrasion. So avoiding foods packaged in plastic that are acidic, like sauerkraut for example, is a good idea. The plastic bag that your quinoa is in likely doesn’t pose too much of a health issue itself because quinoa is a dry food.

Is there a link between infertility and future generations? Is there hope?

LA: There's definitely a link, we're seeing fertility rates around the planet drop precipitously and that's concerning for a lot of reasons. Dropping fertility rates don’t just have social implications; it also has global economic implications. We need healthy fertility rates. 

Otherwise we're going to end up in some ‘Handmaid's Tale’ nightmare. Incidentally, that book was written in 1983 and the author shares that the reason why people are infertile is because of all the chemicals. 

There is a degree of hope though because awareness is shifting and because more and more people are starting to pay attention. And that right there I think is the silver lining. If we actually do something about all of this, we can actually turn things around. 

 

About Lara Adler: Lara Adler is an Environmental Toxins Expert & Educator and a Certified Holistic Health Coach who teaches health coaches, nutritionists, and other holistic health practitioners how to eliminate the #1 thing holding their clients back from the results they are seeking; the unaddressed link between chemicals and chronic health problems. She trains practitioners to become experts in everyday toxic exposures so they can improve client outcomes without spending hundreds of hours researching on their own. 

Combining environmental health education and business consulting, she’s helped thousands of health professionals in over 25 countries around the world elevate their skillset, get better results for their clients, and become sought out leaders in the growing environmental health & detoxification field.

For news and tips on environmental toxins, find and follow Lara on IG, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

The 5 things to never say to anyone with infertility

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

There are unspoken rules related to (in)fertility. And since you may not even know that someone is struggling, it’s best to avoid asking some of these all-too common phrases and questions which no matter how well intentioned will likely not be taken as such.

Rule 1: Never tell someone to “relax and it will happen”

I remember beings so stressed out about the needles, distracting myself with the stress of my job and then stressing about being stressed. It made it worse when people would tell me not to stress. It is basic science that if the body is hyper-stressed (and releasing high quantities of cortisol hormone), it can signal to the body that the focus is survival, and not on making a baby. How is that in and of itself not stressful? 

And you or your sister, cousin, or friend Denise who got pregnant by taking a vacation likely did not have scar tissue obstruction, PCOS, endometriosis, an unexplained diagnosis or the myriad of fertility challenges that are still being discovered. You may have the best of intentions because you just don’t know what to say, but do not bring up those two words (don’t stress), no matter how well intentioned. Ever.

Rule 2: Do not say you “just know that it will happen”

The self-pressure is already so incredibly significant. Do not promise that you know a future which the person or couple, their doctor, and you do not in fact know.

Rule 3: Avoid any consolation with “why don’t you just adopt”

Adoption is a beautiful option. However, the mental process to get there requires that someone make peace with not fulfilling a potential dream of being pregnant. Your comment may be construed as asking someone to give up on their dream. There are also many other aspects emotionally, mentally and financially that the intended person or couple will have to think about and plan. So while absolutely incredible, if a person or a couple wants to expand their family with adoption, they will likely do so without your surface suggestion.

Rule 4: Do not ask “do you want to have kids”

How do you know someone hasn’t been painstakingly trying for months or even years? This question can be a dagger in the heart and is just plain nosy. This question is just as rude as asking someone how old they are. It’s personal and if someone wants to tell you whether or not they want, or are trying to have children, they will let you know.

Rule 5: Delete this phrase from your vocabulary: “You’ll understand one day when you’re a mom (or dad)”

This is so obviously insensitive to the person or couple who is/are trying their hardest to be a parent. And since most people don’t reveal their fertility journey, better to just strike this from your playbook all together.

Don’t know what to say?

Share that your friendship is important and you are always there to listen. Please don’t try to relate with your experiences if you have never been through infertility. And if you have, ask for permission first or wait to be asked before you share your journey.

Infertility affects one in eight couples in the US. Resolve, Pregnantish, Robyn, It’s Conceivable by Rebekah Rosler or even this blog to share as resources if and when someone is ready. From that point, sending positive good vibes and little thoughtful gestures are the best words to remind someone that you are there and thinking of them.

Any other unspoken rules that you want to share? Please feel free to leave them in the comments!

Redefining the Conversation about Infertility

Fertility Warriors from L to R: Andrea Syrtash, Anthea King–Pascual, Jane Jolis, Nathalie Carpenter, Jennie Monness, Rebekah Rosler, Stephanie Rapp. Photo credit: Alexis Mera.

Fertility Warriors from L to R: Andrea Syrtash, Anthea King–Pascual, Jane Jolis, Nathalie Carpenter, Jennie Monness, Rebekah Rosler, Stephanie Rapp. Photo credit: Alexis Mera.

I have thought a lot about the word infertility. It sounds like such an ugly word because there is so much judgement (including self) and lack of awareness around the subject. Even for those embarking on the “journey” there is so much that is unknown. Although the science around it has come a long way, there is still not a guarantee that it will find the underlying cause, let alone solve it to produce a child. 

The word infertile goes against our very basic function as humans to reproduce. And if we can’t do that, we may admonish ourselves for not being “normal” or having tried hard enough, or perhaps not trying the right way (whatever that means). There may be shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear, frustration, jealousy, and, and, and… Societally, we have been taught that all of these emotions are bad/negative and since there is no pride in them, we naturally try to hide them, making the depths of despair associated with (in)fertility even greater. 

I am speaking about all of the above from experience because I have lived it. Do you know how liberating it is to share that publicly? The first time I announced my experience through this blog, I held my breath when I hit publish. I didn’t know what the reaction would be and whether it would be met with public disparagement or disgust, or whether I might even be let go at my corporate job for airing my so-called dirty laundry so publicly. Instead, I was met with responses from people that I knew and didn’t know; that they, their sister, cousin, friend, or colleague was going through it, and would I talk to them about it. In those moments, I understood that I was so far from being alone. I realized that I had been shouldering a greater burden than I had to; and had created more stress for myself by not talking about my (in)fertility story. I will purposely refer to (in)fertility like so moving forward because infertility and fertility are often interchangeable, however I believe that being in the community of fertility is powerful.

By being vulnerable by sharing my own story, I have come to learn that that there are other women who have been voicing their experience and encouraging others to do the same. These fertility warriors are trailblazers, and I recently had the honor and privilege of being in the same room with six incredible women who also see the possibility of change. Alexis Mera was there to capture it all on camera.

To say that it was magical being in the room with these other women is an understatement. We all “knew” each other without actually ever meeting, because although the journey was different for all of us, the end goal of becoming a mother was the same.  Our common bond was cemented in the interest of redefining the conversation around (in)fertility by breaking the silence to get it started.

The silence for all of us at one point or another was deafening. At times the path had been hell both mentally and/or physically, but I believe that we all realized that we could use our strength to give voices and faces to (in)fertility. When. the seven of us met, it was clear that we had found community through authenticity, transparency and vulnerability by sharingand as a result, the ability to pay it forward by supporting others going through the fire.

This is just the start, by creating community, we discover resources, are empowered by options, and elevate the conversation for support publicly and in the workplace. We have the power to make infertility a safe discussion and promoting its importance for financial support consideration and workplace benefits for both women and men.

Be a trailblazer. Over the course of this week during National Infertility Awareness Week, six fertility warriors will be featured on Fertilust. Each will share their story and their reflections on their experience. Some of the themes expressed by our trailblazers included empowerment, community, perseverance, resilience, options, strength, and advocacy.

We welcome you to join the conversation by sharing your constructive voice in the comments, and/or by reaching out to find out how to tap into the community. 

In collaboration with Alexis Mera who photographed each fertility warrior and provided graphic tees from her collections, you can get a sneak peek into each woman’s story here as shared on Alexis’ blog. Please also be sure to check back each day this week as we highlight each fertility warrior in detail here on Fertilust.

Together we can take the conversation about (in)fertility out of the shadows to normalize it. We can make it inclusive by building awareness and community. By giving it so many voices, we can drown out the judgement, misconceptions and silence around the topic.

Rather than focus on the negative aspects of (in)fertility, we have the opportunity to get IN to the community of FERTILITY. Please join us.

 

 

 

Get Happy

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There could be a slew of reasons that might derail a day; the too-good-for-his-job guy/girl at the local coffee shop who was rude and got your order wrong to boot. Maybe you’re running late to an important meeting and a careless taxi driver just drenched you in toxic city sludge on your way to said meeting… 

Life isn’t perfect. We should allow ourselves the opportunity to mourn the big things and let go of the small things. We may not be able to control outcomes of situations but we can control how we react to them. In those moments we are presented with a choice and an opportunity.

There is something to be said about the power of optimism to combat stress and empower a positive mind-body connection crucial for any medical challenge including infertility. Poor mental stress may negatively affect fertility in ways that are not yet clinically understood. (I asked Dr. # 4 about the impact of stress and she said and I quote “we live in New York City, everyone is stressed and women get pregnant all of the time”. That statement literally crushed me at the time and now I think it is just plain ridiculous that I allowed her view to cloud mine.) Just because there isn’t enough clinical research to provide gold standard research on the affects of high cortisol levels doesn’t mean that we aren’t affected by stress. Stress is real and we have the power to either contribute to it through negative thoughts, thereby punishing ourselves, or through combating it through manifesting the positive.

There is only upside to practicing a positive outlook. A generally happy person enjoys a higher quality of life and it may also reduce disease so there’s that. Each morning is an opportunity for us to hit the reset button. While it applies to just about everything, focusing every waking moment on getting pregnant “or else you won’t have this, or that,” can create tunnel vision. (Cue that crazy spiral image from the Twilight Zone.) Being so attached to a fertility outcome may even make things worse for us mentally and emotionally should our reality not match our expectation. I’ve been there. We have a choice to be all consumed or practice counting our blessings for the things in our lives for which we are grateful right now.

So if you missed the memo on “National Happiness Day” today, remember that you’ve got another shot to get happy tomorrow. Before you go to bed tonight, reset. Close your eyes for a (whole!) minute and breathe deeply. First forgive yourself, maybe even forgive that self-absorbed barista, taxi cab driver, or your nosy colleague who keeps asking when you are going to have kids. Consider giving them the benefit of the doubt, as they are likely just unaware. Take three more minutes. Just three more! Write down three things that you are grateful for, and three moments that you are looking forward to in the new day. (Writing my thoughts and tasks in a pretty notebook gives me an insane amount of satisfaction for some reason. Maybe it will for you?) The moments that will make you smile as you think about the future may be as simple as hugging your dog, or seeing the sun/sky in the morning. On the back of the paper, dump anything else that you need to park outside of your head like calling your mom, the doctor, any work related items, and, and, and… Bonus points if you write down one self-care item (massage, manicure, etc.) that you plan to schedule for yourself, just because.. Then leave your phone in another room and affirm to yourself that you have set yourself up to get a good night’s sleep to reset and restore for the coming day ahead. Believe it when you say it.

Tomorrow, right when you wake up, read that list of six things at home and not on the run, saving the other side of the to-do’s for the office. Honor your brilliant mind and body by telling yourself how grateful you are, drink a whole glass of water and mentally prepare yourself for the day with a smile. And give yourself permission without judgement to fake that smile until it becomes real.

Wishing all of us endless National Happiness Days…

xx


Photo by Patrick Hendry on Unsplash